Critter Keeper

Please allow me a short update on what’s going on.

Firstly, I’m of the opinion that there’s nothing seriously wrong with my shoulder. I hope I’m not premature in that assessment. I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday with my family doctor, and an ortho appointment toward the end of June, but I’m hopeful nothing of consequence will be found. I already have almost total range of motion back - the hot tub and pool work wonders - and today, I actually went to the beach itself, for the first time since we got here. I’m feeling very good, and I appreciate any and all prayers that have been offered on my behalf.

The bruised rib is another story. Man, that one hurts. From what I’ve read, they usually heal up in two to six weeks. And as painful as it is, I’m forcing myself to think that it’s coming along as well. As bad as it hurts at times, it somehow doesn’t seem to be hurting as bad. I hope I’m not just getting used to it.

Other than the residual pain from the fall, I’ve been having an amazing time, and despite my limited mobility earlier in the week, I have not shirked my culinary responsibilities in the kitchen. My family relies heavily on me for breakfast. Since I usually rise earlier than everyone else, and since I love cooking, it’s a pretty good fit. Pancakes, sausage, bacon, eggs, and I’ve done a couple of breakfast pizzas this week with hash brown crusts that vanished in no time. I also tried this new thing - sausage links wrapped in cinnamon rolls, - that turned out well each time I tried that.

My schedule is totally filled for June and July. If you were thinking of contacting me for an event during those months, apologies. I’ve got nowhere to put another event. Days that I had planned to take off now have medical appointments scheduled. I’m continually in awe. The days that I planned to take off before my accident were days when medical appointments were available this month. That would be pretty coincidental if you didn’t believe.

Yeah, the little Eastern glass lizard (pictured) is running away to join the Critter Keeper Circus. He’s coming home with me tomorrow. He likely won’t be attending many public programs initially, but he’s a great addition for a birthday party.

A plan is afoot to for me adopt another animal on Sunday. He’s spectacular, but he’ll need some acclimation. If things pan out, you’ll meet him before too long.

My wife and I, while we’ve had a great week with family, are excited about getting home. We know our dogs miss us, and we sure do miss them. I got much of the rest I needed, and I am so ready for programs to begin on Monday. I’m excited about the lineup of critters we’ll be showing, and I’m genuinely curious to see how the shoulder holds up.

I’m not too worried. Avery will help me out on Monday, at least!

Finally. I believe it has come together.

I’ve been pretty stoked as the summer approaches, as I have come up with several “enhancements” for my program. I’ve been practicing in classrooms and parties over the past few weeks, and since the latest enhancement arrived just a couple of days ago, it won’t undergo the audience test until Friday, during the last two programs before my summer schedule begins.

These “enhancements” are nothing more than some visual and audio gags, and of course, a couple of animals that are either new or haven’t been used in a couple of years.

I fed the snakes a few days ago, and I’m pleased to report that the small one-eyed python is eating more consistently, and has undergone a shed. After several unsuccessful attempts at feeding the viper boa, it finally ate as well.

Which brings me to why I acquired the viper boa in the first place. As I alluded in a previous post, the reason will be construed as controversial by some. Not a lot, but some.

I intend to discourage other people, especially youngsters, from handling dangerously venomous reptiles in an obviously unsafe manner. It’s called “free-handling,” and unfortunately, in some reptile circles, it seems to be controversial.

It may be because my social media timeline is crowded with a bunch of snake posts and videos, but I see it every single day. It’s with rattlesnakes, copperheads, water moccasins, cobras, king cobras, Gaboon vipers… people (usually young men) being videoed or photographed handling these snakes (as well as Gila monsters and beaded lizards) without restraining the animal in a way that would prevent a bite.

Why? I don’t know. I guess it’s cool. I imagine there’s an adrenaline rush. They might even believe that they “know” their animal, or that it “trusts” them. It doesn’t make sense to me that one would literally risk their life for a few comments or “likes” on social media.

So I’m not going to tell adults not to do it. With some of these folks, you’re not going to change their minds anyway. But I will tell you why I don’t do it, and why I will discourage that type of handling, particularly in young, inexperienced handlers.

Every time a handler is bitten by an exotic venomous reptile, or if it escapes, it has a tendency to make the news, and it puts everyone in the hobby in a bad light. Legislators try to pass laws that affect everyone who keeps reptiles and other exotics. Insurance rates go up. My annual business insurance, despite having never have had an incident, DOUBLED from around $1,300 a year to over $2,800 last year, not-so coincidentally after the Liebowitz/taipan incident in Florence in 2024.

I have so much more respect for venomous snakes and their venoms than I did when I was younger. I’ve seen the effects of the bites. I don’t see anything “cool” about going into renal failure, losing most of your back teeth or half of your hand, or acquiring immense medical debt. Nope. Nothing cool about that at all, no matter how many “likes” you get. And that’s not even considering the suffering and worry that your family and loved ones will endure.

I hold the view that freehandling dangerously venomous animals is foolhardy and unwise, and it sets a poor example. Knowledge is knowing something; wisdom is applying that knowledge in the right way. If you know that an animal can hurt or kill you with a bite, then handling that animal in an unsafe manner is unwise. Sounds logical to me.

Beyond that, EVERYONE is an “influencer.” I had never considered myself as one, but if any of us interact with others, we have the capability to influence. Since my primary audiences are children, who are so often impressionable, I must take my potential as an influencer seriously. If I had a dollar for every time a parent has sent me a picture of one of their children pretending to do a Critter Keeper show after one of my programs, I could totally buy another viper boa. But I do worry that one day, a child or teen is going to watch a reel of someone with a rattlesnake or a copperhead and think to themselves, “That’s cool. I can do that.” And I worry about the potential consequences.

I’m not too worried about the influence cast by Timothy Treadwell and his overconfidence around bears. I’m not overly concerned about the influence of Siegfried and Roy and their overconfidence with their “pet” tigers. And I’m even grateful that Liebowitz survived the taipan bite, but I’m disappointed that he didn’t learn from his experience, because he’s back at it.

So, this summer, that’s where the viper boa comes in. It looks venomous, but it’s not, and you’ll know that by the way I’m handling it. Sure, there will be some implied peril, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I don’t need a venomous snake for a Critter Keeper program to be exciting.

Brutella, my Mexican beaded lizard, will help with that. I recently began using her again - she’s had a bit of a hiatus since the acquisition of the sailfin dragon - And she will be handled, but as always, she’ll be handled with caution, care, a hook, and most importantly, respect.

It’s my hope that I can continue to influence our youth to treat all animals similarly.

What is the capacity of a tortoise’s urinary bladder?

While I didn’t get a specific answer, my curiosity was satisfied.

“The bladder in tortoise anatomy is quite large and bifurcated when full. This enables it to hold considerable volume.

“Tortoises also have accessory urinary bladders which can store additional urine.”

That apparently equates to a remarkable amount of urine, of which the group of first graders were witnesses. They thought it was great.

Teachers immediately went into crisis mode, with one running to get a huge roll of paper towels, while another stayed back with the kids, shouting, “IT’S JUST P*E! EVERYBODY P*ES!!”

The tortoise, obviously, was, ah, er, relieved.

As for me, I had mixed emotions. Part of me was in utter amazement that a tortoise held THAT much water. Part of me was pleased that my tortoise was that well-hydrated.

And yet another part of me was doing self-talk, saying, “Not the best day to wear khaki pants.”

Folks, I have been the “Critter Keeper” for 19 years. I picked the name because I figured it would be easy for children, in particular, to relate to and remember.

I give kids some leeway in this, so I don’t get upset if they call me the “Critter Man,” the “Critter Guy,” or even the “Creature Teacher.” It’s enough for me to know they’ll be wowed by animals from all over the world, and how sometimes the animals just appear out of nowhere!

With that out of the way, I should make it clear that I am not, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever, be known as, or answer to, the “Animal Fairy.”

I don’t care if you are only three years old.