Houston Puck Offs

In a game that left the "Depressions" quite sore,
The Puck Offs' offense was anything but a bore.
Andersen, Dragomir, and the crew,
Each found the net, making dreams true.
A dance so bizarre, it was hard to ignore.

Korhonen in goal stood like a door,
Not a single puck passed, the fans did roar.
The "Pretenders" were crafty, with celebrations galore,
Mocking their foes, who couldn't score.
A shutout win, the "[Tropical] Depressions" abhor.

Houston Puck Offs |

In case our poetic recap didn't make it clear. We beat those guys. They whined about playing us in the first place. We responded. Our players devised a post-goal celebratory choreography that involved the goal scorer pretend-birthing a wailing set of quintuplets (the other Puck Offs players) onto the ice. Game over.

Houston Puck Offs |

Good afternoon Houston Hockey Haymakers! Welcome to another exciting game recap.

Your beloved Puck Offs played a game Wednesday, their first after the lengthy All-Star break. Yes, the one that none of the Puck Offs players were invited to...but that's a story for another time.

The final score was 6-0 in favor of the H-Town Heroes. Arthur Novak kept a clean sheet and the team continued their historic (though unheralded) inaugural season in winning fashion. The fights were limited (though characteristically, Pavel Barysau threw a few unimpeded punches) and the team petting zoo / cheering section remained steadfast and motivating. But, despite the familiar elements, this game was anything but typical.

It seems our illustrious owner, Jazz, from his undisclosed operating center, made a deal for a player which (if he performs as projected) will become one of the most effectual, most infamous, in league history. It is not often a player of this caliber is available, let alone willing and interested, for a soirée with a rag-tag bunch of hockey outcasts and ruffians.

The player's name? Konstantin "Concrete" Kholodov. Commit it to memory. You'll be seeing it again. And again.

Who scored you ask? Konstantin Kholodov. He scored them all. A double hat-trick in game one. Against one of the best defensive teams in the league. Get excited Puck Offs fans. And send Jazz a thank you note.

-Your very excited-about-the-future Puck Offs PR Team

Not sure what to be more upset about...the Beibs hanging with family members of an in-state rival, or that coat...is that a cartoon strawberry popsicle or a white-spotted pink mascot's undergarment? So many questions...

GREAT news for @justinbieber: He got to meet Thomas Oettinger!!! 📸 @jake30oettinger