Jerry Simoneaux

For those of you who still don't know the rules of remote appearances, here is something I hope will get through (with apologies to Dr. Suess).

Oh, the Places You'll Zoom! (A Probate Court Primer)

You cannot Zoom while eating your lunch,
Not while sipping your coffee or having a brunch.
You cannot appear from your car on the street,
Not while you're driving or stuck in the heat!

You cannot Zoom from a bar with your drink,
Not from the spa—now stop and think!
The massage table? Oh my, no, no!
That's simply not how these hearings go.

Your phone won't do and your tablet won't work,
These rules aren't meant to go berserk—
You'll need a laptop, stable and true,
In a quiet location that's proper for you.

Not in the kitchen where pots clang and crash,
Not where the dog might make a dash,
Not where your children might run about,
Not where the doorbell could cause you to shout!

Find a quiet room, a suitable space,
Where the judge can see your respectful face.
Dress like you would if you came to the court—
A shirt with buttons, the professional sort.

No pajamas! No tank tops! No caps on your head!
Dress like you're there, not still in your bed.
The courtroom has standards, both old and new,
And virtual hearings must follow them too.

And attorneys ad litem—oh, hear this well!
You cannot be in another court, I must tell.
Don't try to appear while you're handling a trial,
Don't phone it in from the other court's aisle!

You cannot multitask, you cannot split time,
Between two different courts—that's crossing a line!
When you accept the appointment, you make a vow
To be present, attentive, here and now.

So set up your laptop with care and with grace,
In a dignified, quiet, appropriate place.
Show the same respect you would if you came
To the courthouse itself—the rules are the same!

For justice is justice, whether near or afar,
And the court remains the court, wherever you are.