ShellMash

🚨URGENT WINTER ADVISORY: OPERATION BREAD & MILK 🚨

Alright, listen up everyone.

❄️ THE BREAD & MILK SITUATION
We aren’t sure why, but apparently, as soon as the first snowflake hits the ground, the entire town decides they need to make milk sandwiches.
If you haven’t already cleared out the dairy aisle, please remember: you are being snowed in for a day or two, not launching a three-year mission to Mars.

🛑 ESSENTIAL vs. NON-ESSENTIAL TRAVEL
It’s not worth driving in this to go get a bag of Takis. It’s worth driving in this if you need to go to the hospital, or work somewhere that’s required to keep society functioning. Tell a friend.
Unless you want to explain to an officer why you’re stuck in a ditchy ditch while clutching a bag of “Fuego” chips, STAY OFF THE ROADS.

🚙 “BUT I HAVE ALL-WHEEL DRIVE!”
Cool. That just means you’ll get stuck in the ditch further than everyone else. Gravity and snow do not care about your trim package.

📋 THE PLAN:
✅ Stay home, watch netflix
✅ Eat the mountain of bread and milk you just bought.
✅ Wear your cozy pajamas.
✅ Do not make us come find you because you had a “Takis Emergency.”
‼️ Most importantly: Don’t Crime.

Stay safe, stay warm, and please—for the love of all things holy—stay home