Writing unto HIM

I am my daughters children's pastor.

While I was cleaning her room today, I grabbed this paper up from her toy box and went to discard it.

Something stopped me and I read it:

"God can I go to Heaven? I love you and thank you. I ask you to come in my heart. Thank you Lord for all you do. Thank you, I mean it. I even know how to say a scripture. I love you so so much."

And I thought, Lord thank you for letting me pastor my daughter.

And the Holy Spirit spoke to me in this moment LOUD and CLEAR!!!!!

EVERY parent has a calling to pastor their children.

YOU, are called to pastor.
You should be guiding and leading your children spiritually.

I recently saw a post about about the shortage of children's pastors in America. I now wonder if that's because there are few that are willing to miss the Sunday morning service to pour into our kids or if it's because we as parents have failed to realize that we are called to preach the gospel to o our children.

You can raise your children in church. But are you raising them to BE the church?

When I reach my arms out to my daddy, he lifts me up, holds me, and carries me.

When my Daddy can't carry me anymore, I will know the one who lifts me up on wings like eagles.

Because Daddy pointed me to Abba Father.

Have you ever been in a situation that hurt so much and naturally it drew you closer to the Lord?

You were relying on him for hope, strength, and comfort.

I am going through one of the most painful and heart wrenching times I have ever faced and as I as I stood in church this morning, during praise and worship, I said, "God, you feel so far away. I feel like I should feel you more now than ever, and I can't find your presence."

I haven't been able to write.

I sing about Gods goodness and the enemy is in my ear - "Is he good? Is he faithful? All this time you have watched your daddy praise the Lord and look at him now".

I cried out to Jesus this morning.

And I said, as I sang, "God I really do need your goodness to run after me. I really need you to chase me down right now, fight til i'm found, leave the 99. I know I don't deserve it and I know I can't earn it God, but I really need you to find me because I'm having a hard time finding you right now".

I taught my kids in kids church this morning and I told them how they have to know who they are in Christ because one day when they're going theough a hard time they will have to stand on what they KNOW to be true and not what they FEEL.

I FEEL broken.
I KNOW I am whole.

I FEEL tested.
I KNOW God is faithful.

I got a text tonight that said my daddy, who is suffering with a terminal illness, went to church today.

Wednesday will be one entire month since he came home from the hospital
on "hospice".

31 beautifully, blissful days that I have gotten to spend with my daddy in his RIGHT mind. He feels more like my daddy now than he has in months.

AND that is how Jesus chased me down. That is how he fought for me. That is how he left the 99. That is how the devil was defeated and it's how I can still sing or the GOODNESS of God.

ALL my life he has been faithful.

Even now.

Even in this time that has been so difficult, and unfair, and uncertain.

Thank you Lord for finding me today.

Through this season of my life, will you keep chasing me? Will you keep fighting for me? I know I can't do this without you. Flood me with your presence.

Jesus, seated at the right hand of our Father, will you pray for me?

Will you pray for my hurting heart and the days to come?

Will you ask God to keep showing up for me?

I'll praise when I feel it.
I'll praise when I don't.

🎵 When I'm at my end, You're just getting started
When I hit a wall, You just walk through
When I face a mountain,
You are the Maker
So it's gotta move
When I'm out of faith and You are still faithful
When I'm at my worst and You are still good
In all of my questions, You are the answer
It all points to You
'Cause You're the God of the breakthrough
When I'm breaking down
You'll be working a way through
When there's no way out
This one thing I know,
You're still on Your throne
So whatever I'm feeling
I've still got a reason to praise 🎶