Empathetic Communication

How do I respond to a person with dementia.
Generally we do not know what to say.

Have you ever stood-by helplessly while observing rising pain in a person who was experiencing early symptoms of dementia? While serving as a home helper for Alice who was experiencing gradual memory loss, I encountered such heartache. Having helped her get dressed for her day, I offered beautiful selections from her closet so she could choose what she wanted to wear that day. Finding a top I found particularly lovely, I commented how pretty it was! Proudly she told me "I got that from Land's End",!.She chose that top to wear that day. Later when her daughter stopped by I casually shared with her, mother's memory of the origin of that pretty top. Daughter exploded scolding, "no, mother, it did not come from Land's End, it came from Nieman Marcus! Don't you remember! How Could you forget that simple fact!" With my heart breaking I stood-by helplessly . . .witness to dear Alice's withering under her daughter's sharp reprimand.

Of what importance was the origin of that top? What would happen if mother went on without correction? . . . would anyone suffer? . . .any calamity arise? Why would this error be of such great importance to daughter that she found it necessary to rudely correct her mother?

Knowing mother 's memory was wrong, how could daughter respond? She could kindly ignore the error and in conversational tones discuss shopping trips and discoveries they made together. Or, discuss that particular top and how lovely mother looks when she wears it! Such a kind respectful response would spare mother a needless pain as well as spare me a heavy heartache.

Hug with words.
Validate expressed feelings of depression, discouragement, frustration etc.
"Of course you feel____. Anybody would be [upset] about that." Then encourage further expression of the situation as you listen. ". . . .as you LISTEN".
This can help the person feel a reassurance similar to the feeling of a hug.