Walking Forward Together

there are some kinds of grief that don’t have a clear shape

no casseroles at the door
no long lines of people checking in

just quiet & a heart that feels heavier than it ever has before

losing a baby changes you in ways people can’t always see

it’s in the dates you remember that no one else knows mattered
the “what ifs” that play in your mind at the most random times.
the way you can smile & still feel a deep ache underneath it all

people say time heals but this kind of loss doesn’t just disappear

you learn to carry it
you learn to breathe around it
you learn how to keep going while holding something that will always be missing

& even though the world kept turning, mine paused for a moment that felt like forever

If I could have just one more day with you…

I would hardly speak. I would simply listen to your voice and commit every tone of it to memory until it became my favourite melody.

I would look at you. I would study your eyes and your mouth, and I would learn every angle, every pane of your face until I could see you perfectly with my eyes closed.

I would hold your hand in mine. I would trace all the lines on your palm until they became a trail – a map - that I could retrace on my own palm every time I felt lost.

I would soak you up and breathe you in until there was not a single thing that I could not recall at a moment’s notice.

But more than anything, if I had one more day with you,
I would hold you.
I would hold you so tight, hoping that maybe if I didn’t let you go…
You wouldn’t.

Yes, if I had just one more day with you, I would hope… I would hope so hard…

that you wouldn’t have to leave again.

*****
Becky Hemsley 2023
Artwork by the immensely talented Jungsuk Lee

‘One More Day’ is from the book When I Am Gone: https://amzn.eu/d/auT2OZ2