Aliza Mooney

Tomorrow is the fifth Mother’s Day since Jordan Mooney has been gone.

It’s also the first one I’m not facing with dread.

Year one, was still in shock. Didn’t know what would happen, think I spent most the day zombie like and cried the whole evening.

Year two, was by far my worst. Let’s just not speak of it.

Year three, I was so fearful of repeating the second I pretended the day didn’t exist and disappeared. Mother’s Day whose that? Don’t know her.

Year four, I wasn’t ok, knew I wasn’t ok. Was in the middle of getting help. (Side note: Therapy is amazing.) While I didn’t completely ignore the day this time I also did not want to make a big deal about it and trigger myself. I silenced social and we went camping.

This year, well it hasn’t happened yet, but I can say I’m not walking into it with the same feeling as the years before.

I do not feel I need to ignore the day.

I am hopeful the day will bring sweet memories and only trigger happiness.

I know tears may fall but I won’t spend the whole day or evening crying.

Why do I share this?

Because I know many other mommas in this horrible club along with me and I want them to know not every year will be hard.

💚💜

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers tomorrow. But special love sent to all of those whom tomorrow is a complicated day.

(Photo is the last Mother’s Day card Jordan made me the year before she passed.)

“Addiction, the big terrible thing, is far too powerful for anyone to defeat alone. But together, one day at a time, we can beat it down.”

“One thing I got right was that I never gave up, and because of that I stand tall now, ready for whatever comes next.”

These are a few excerpts from the final page of Matthew Perry’s honest and emotional memoir.

As a huge fan of Friends I felt like I have invited him into my home for years and he is was almost an extended part of the family.

As a mother who has lost a child to the disease of addiction, he is a member of this family and one who we are cheering on in their recovery.

He doesn’t sugarcoat or shy away from what addiction looks like nor is this a book of him placing blame on others.

Keep taking it one day at a time Matt.

5 stars

(Trigger warning: honest discussion about drug and alcohol use)

TBH I was so mad at myself when I saw the numbers on the scale going up again.

What was wrong with me?

I’m such a failure!

I had worked so hard for each pound I had lost over 3 years and here I was again gaining almost all of it back in 4 months.

I was broken.

I searched for reasons, made excuses and lied to myself.

Finally I reached out for help.

My doctor is amazing and recognized that while I had struggled and finally identified as an emotional eater a few years ago, there might be more going on.

With the help of the therapist that specializes in this area I have been able to discover what while yes I am an emotional eater, it goes farther than that.

My emotional eating leads me to binge eat.

I am a binge eater.

I can remember turning to food in time of trauma and binges as young as 7 years old.

This isn’t going to turn into an eating disorder page. I’m not an expert and I have no advice.

But I feel it’s time to take off the mask if you will and be honest with what I am working through.

As a person with a newly diagnosed ED I will be making a few changes to how I share my journey.

I won’t be sharing weight, or scale numbers anymore.

Food will be shared as celebration of some amazing recipes that I think you might enjoy, not things to avoid.

I’m still new to this and I bound to make mistakes along the way.

But I’m not a failure or broken.

I am human and am dealing with something that has been present for a very long time, I just was too afraid to admit it even to myself.

Week two progress check in.

Surprisingly the scale didn’t move this week. I say I’m surprised because I am noticing an even bigger difference in my clothing this past week then the week before when I dropped 5 pounds.

Another reminder the scale is just one number folks and not the full story.

Then I did my measurements and was like THERE IT IS!!!

5.5 inches down this week.

A lot of that in my arms and thighs which many of you have commented on in my photos and videos. (Good eyes 👀)

This brings my total inches lost in this program to 10 inches.

Not too shabby Mrs. Mooney, not too shabby!!!

But what I really need you to see that the picture and number can show; is the JOY and the mindset lift this program has given me.

I can’t wait for EVERYONE to be able to experience this.

Two more weeks in the test group. I’ll continue to share my journey and take you along for the ride.

But you can start your journey now and be first in line for my launch group for this program when it releases on May 3rd.

Message me and let’s chat. 🌺🌴🌈