Having EnneaFun

So funny!

Thus begins the "holiday season" and everything is A LOT. We gather Thursday with people we love and...others are...also coming? We all have our inner demons to wrangle so we can be PLEASANT like Ouiser on Steel Magnolias.

Enneagramateurs, I am assuming these will be the thoughts you have to squash on Thursday:

1's: I will not reload the dishwasher correctly. I will not. There is more than one right way to do things. These jackwagons obviously are doing it ALL WRONG but I will just walk away from this dishwasher tragedy. God, how are we related.

2's: I will not clear every single person's plate, store the leftovers, clean the kitchen, and put everyone's babies down for naps by myself. I guess I will just sit here while NO ONE DOES IT, but it's fine. I'm fine. They will still love me. I have value. I'll just clear half the plates.

3's: This meal is not efficient and these people are talking too long about nonsense, and I haven't gotten one decent pic for IG. "What's that about your ex-coworker, Aunt Mary? FASCINATING. TELL ME MORE." Fix it, Jesus. My Thanksgiving Day task list has gone to crap and I guess we'll all just die at this table.

4's: I will not compare this Thanksgiving to the memories from my childhood and conclude that no one here really loves or sees me. It isn't their fault they have no souls. They live in the shallows and can't comprehend my rich interior life in the deep, and I will just go into my mind palace and sing the new Adele album.

5's: I strongly dislike everything that is happening. Why are they all talking. Why are they touching me. No I will not say what I am thankful for in front of everyone. Why are people like this. I will Irish goodbye halfway through the meal so I can go home and watch Yellowstone in my bed. (5's hosting: Why won't they leave.)

6's: Which one of these jokers is going to ruin the day? Who is going to bring up Nancy Pelosi? How long until my obnoxious cousin criticizes the pie choices again and makes Grandma cry in the bathroom? We are not going to have enough food. Thanksgiving is chaos and I hate it here.

7's: No one is having a better Thanksgiving than us! Oh my gawd, EVERYONE is having a better Thanksgiving than us. We are the best and this is the most fun day, except for everyone else having a more fun day. EVERYONE PLAY THE TURKEY BINGO GAME I INVENTED AND STOP BITCHING. Fun!

8's: I will not bring up immigration. I will not bring up Jared Kushner. I will not bring up unless... "WTF, Michael? Does your shirt say 'Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition'?? Lord in heaven. Alright, hands up: who here got vaccinated?"

9's: I will manage all these people with soothing tones, well-planned deflections, and a strategic seating chart. I will separate the groups by voting bloc, sexual orientation, and/or degrees of wokeness. This is all on me. I alone will create the first tension-free Thanksgiving in the known world.

Hooray! Let's gather around the table! We can do this, folks! Everyone will behave and nothing will go wrong. People are easy. Holidays are relaxing.

What did I miss, 1-9's?