Mandy's Memorial

Yesterday Facebook reminded me of a post I wrote 10 years ago. The beautiful photo of Mandy that I’ve attached below accompanied my thoughts at that time when I was still reeling from the emotional roller coaster ride that followed Mandy’s sudden passing. I noted how drastically my life had changed in a matter of minutes just 10 months prior to writing that post. I was devastated by feelings of loss, my strength was being tested beyond anything I ever imagined, and there were moments when I wasn’t sure that I could go on. Thanksgiving was quickly approaching and there seemed to be reminders everywhere that we should all be grateful for the blessings in our lives. Yet I was overwhelmed with sadness, and I found it difficult to be thankful for anything knowing that Mandy would not be here to share the holiday with our family.

As the years have passed, Pete and I have come to accept that we will continue on this journey of grief throughout our remaining days. We understand that we will continue to experience ups and downs, joys and sorrows, smiles and tears…and I know that there will continue to be moments when I’m overcome with multiple emotions all at once. That’s how it was for me yesterday as I read my own words. I found myself smiling as I remembered Mandy’s blue eyes and her sweet smile, and yet I could feel tears welling up as I thought about how much I’ve missed her.

When I reached the end of that post, I saw once again that Matt was among those who had commented on it. And this is what he said:

“The story behind this picture is a typical Mandy story as well. Mom wanted us kids to get pictures taken together, and we told her that we couldn't get our schedules to work out (I blamed her night owl hours, and she blamed my 9-5 hours), and we told mom that it wouldn't happen that year. In an effort to surprise her, Mandy, Missy, and I scheduled an appointment at Walmart - the only place that had an opening. The photographer was excited to do photos of adults since she had been working with (bad) kids mostly. Turns out that the Christmas sets & backdrops they had were small for pictures of little kids. The 3 of us had to get really close - closer than an adult brother and sister should get - in order for all of us to be in the frame and inside the background. Little did the photographer know that we would be in there laughing and messing around with the props, toys and sets for a good hour or two. I'm sure she was happy when we left, but we really had a good time together that day. Towards the end, the photographer offered to take some pictures of Missy and I and some of just Mandy and that if we didn't like them, we didn't have to pay for them. That wasn't really why we went, but we did it anyhow. When they were done, typical Mandy didn't want any of hers, but Missy suggested that my mom and dad would probably like one, so we bought them. I'm really glad we bought those individual pictures, but I'm really glad that we did in fact make time to take those pictures.”

As I finished reading Matt’s comment, I was once again feeling overwhelmed, not with grief, but with gratitude. I will always be grateful that he, Mandy, and Missy made time to take those photos, and I‘m happy knowing that they enjoyed the time they spent together that day. Pete and I framed these photos and have them hanging on our “Family” wall where they serve as a pleasant reminder of a time when all was right in our world. I may be biased, but I’m sure that Pete and I were blessed with the best kids ever! They have brought much love and happiness into our lives, and we are so proud of them.

Later this week we will be thrilled to have Matt and Missy here at the beach with us, and as we’ve discovered over the years, Mandy’s spirit will be with us as we celebrate Thanksgiving and Matt’s birthday – after all she was always up for having fun!

It wasn’t long after Mandy passed away that thoughts of her being forgotten began to weigh heavily on my mind, and I felt a tremendous responsibility to ensure that my precious daughter would be remembered for years to come. I’ve since learned that such concerns are not uncommon among those who have lost dearly loved ones. Of course friends and family have often said that they would always remember Mandy, and they’ve shared some of their favorite memories. But I’ve always believed that Mandy could have had an impact on many more people if she had only been blessed with more time.

As our family began our journey through our grief, Pete and I searched for ways to establish memorials and continue Mandy’s generosity in helping others less fortunate. At the same time Matt took it upon himself to create a design in memory of his sister. He understood that it had to be something that Mandy would have approved of – not too ornate or gaudy, but rather tastefully simple. He didn’t want to display her name or any specific information because he believed that Mandy would not have wanted to draw too much attention; the final product needed only to be meaningful to those who knew and loved Mandy. So he began to concentrate on a cupcake design. After all Mandy had come to be known as the “Cupcake Queen”, a title bestowed on her by her editor during her early days as a journalist. The design is easily recognizable as a cupcake topped with lots of fluffy frosting and there’s an “M” for Mandy in the cup. Matt then had some car window stickers made, and we’ve traveled with a cupcake on the back seat window of every vehicle we’ve owned ever since.

Once he saw Matt’s creation, Pete suggested having a necklace created for me by using the cupcake design. We worked with a local jeweler who surprised me by having it completed a couple weeks earlier than he had promised so that I would have if for my first Mother’s Day without Mandy. And now I never leave home without it. Whenever anyone comments on it, I ask if they would like to hear the story behind it. And I always end by explaining that it was designed by our son in memory of our daughter and that is why I wear it close to my heart. Now, 10 years later, I can’t begin to imagine just how many caring people have listened to me as I relate Mandy’s story, and I’ve been happy to recently discover that some have listened and remembered.

A few weeks ago I had an appointment for my annual dermatology exam. When my doctor’s assistant led me to the exam room, she said that as soon as she as she saw my necklace, she recalled meeting me last year and she remembered Mandy’s story. I have to say that I was thrilled when she told me this. Following my appointment, Pete and I treated ourselves to brunch, and as we entered the restaurant, the hostess commented on my necklace. She said she had a friend who would love it, and she asked if it had taken me very long to find it. So of course I asked if she wanted to hear how it came about, and when I finished she thanked me for sharing with her.

Just a week or so later we were again out to eat, and when the server approached our table, she remarked on my necklace and said that it had caught her attention immediately. As always I asked if she would like to hear the story behind it, and she listened intently as I explained why I wear it. Before we left, she stopped by our table to say that her daughter Amanda also goes by Mandy, and she added that she would know me by my necklace next time we are there.

I am always comforted by these experiences because I will always talk about our children, and I love that Matt gave me the means to share Mandy’s story with people who will never have the opportunity to know her. It brings me joy when I explain to others that there was once an amazing young woman named Mandy who loved baking cupcakes for her friends and family, but sadly she was taken too soon.

Mandy's plaque has been restored to its original luster and is now back up in front of Drunken Jack's on the Marsh Walk.