101rsmith

I’ve been working on this in the background for most of this year. 10 years ago, my mom and stepdad made me spend my winter semester off from college studying for a MTA conductor’s test. I spent 3 months studying, being told that this would secure me a job after college in case acting didn’t take off for me. I took that test on April 30th 2016 where I’d rather had been with my best friend at the time for her birthday. I passed the test with an 87.5 where my stepdad told me I’d be put on a list based on how high I scored and how fast I had registered for the test. He told me the list would stand for 5 years.

5 years passed, we’re in the thick of COVID, that best friend was long gone and I was as far away from acting as you could get. I was trying to do everything to survive the pandemic, the world and how much I had hated myself for failing with that friend. I figured the list had expire and that I was on my own to make it as a semi functional adult. Another 5 years climbing and navigating the landscape of security and I get my phone blown up by MTA accepting me for a job. I don’t know if the list got frozen due to COVID or what but here we are.

5 months of long and annoying processing and I got the job. It’s crazy that something I did 10 years ago actually mattered. Having most of my life being told I don’t matter or being told how insignificant I was compared to others, it’s difficult to believe the other side. It wasn’t that birthday or that friend that mattered, it was the work I put in to survive and being a worthwhile person that mattered.