Freya Birth

Every once in awhile I write poems and wanted to share one with you all ☺️

The uninhabitable house

I once had a house I was told was unseemly.
Too noisy, too warm, too unruly, too big
It would be shameful to live inside, I was told.

So I made a home in the backyard shed, a practical space, very reasonable, and unassuming.

Spending my days trimming the hedge,
Planting colorful flowers, painting windowpanes, all to cover the house as to not bother any passersby.

Until one day I saw over the fence my neighbor leaving her house, the look on her face furtive, not fearful, glowing with what seemed a lovely secret.

I rushed back to my safe shed, stunned by her audacity, and swore that wouldn't be me, yet deep in my heart I held the light of the look on her face like a fragile bird.

It seemed as though my house began to call me, and that bird in my heart tried to sing a reply. Worried, I ignored the call as best I could. Yet it grew louder, softly persistent, and the song was so lovely.

A candle in my hand, I ventured to the door, creaking it open, slowly, ready to bolt, I held the light up.

What I discovered was noisy, the music washing over me, it was warm, holding me like a hug, it was unruly, enthralling with its mystery, and it was very big, my heart barely grasping the implication, the potential.

That day I didn't dare cross the threshold but with time I got bolder, exploring each room, curiosity my guide.

A stranger yet it was mine, but a sadness stood between us, tentative we both were to trust one another.

The taste of rebellion was sweet on my lips. This place felt like home, my shed seeming so cold and lonely in comparison.

But how did one live in a home such as this?

Can you find the peace within even when there is chaos without?

There are many advantages to birthing in a familiar environment, but sometimes things beyond your control may change what you have envisioned.

So don't forget to invest time in creating a bastion of peace in your mind. Practice calming your mind and body no matter the environment. Meditate in public, use your affirmations when everything feels chaotic. If you only prepare your mind for birth when everything is smooth then you leave the door open for disappointment to make your experience a negative one.

As a doula one of the things that most break my heart is when a client who birthed powerfully still asks me later what she did wrong.

If we go in with expectations and something goes astray, we feel as though we have failed. If we go in prepared and willing to follow whatever path birth may take, we feel powerful, no matter what the birth ends up looking like.

When I got the pictures back from my beautiful, powerful third birth, I remember seeing this one and a few others and having the thoughts cross my mind:

"yikes"
"I am so not photogenic"
"Why does my shoulder look so wierd"
"This isn't one I'm gonna be sharing"

This moment I was riding some intense sensations inside my body as she moved quickly down into my pelvis. I am curling my body around to create a better path for her. Adrenaline is beginning to rush through my veins. It was the very first urge to push moment and soon afterwards I followed my body's lead to stand up and quickly after that my baby was in my arms. This was a powerful moment of transition between laboring and pushing. Why is it that my first thought is about how "attractive" I look in that moment rather than seeing the POWER of it?

I have been working to reprogram my brain and posting this is part of the process. I am owning my power and breaking out of the need to always be "pleasing" to what society says is attractive or beautiful.

This birth FELT beautiful and wonderful, so however I looked at the time is part of the beauty and wonder.

I challenge you to share a real, uncensored, powerful moment of your birth that you may at some point have hesitated to share. I would be honored if you would tag me in it as I want to share and help to normalize what birth looks like and together we can break free of the mentality that our worthiness comes from looking good all the time and own that we are worthy in every moment. Especially the ones where we are channeling our powers of creation.

I will share some more powerful pictures of my last birth in my stories and I would love to share yours too if you want to send them to me rather than share them yourself. That's ok if you aren't ready to do that, liking and watching others share will hopefully help you to take your own steps towards more acceptance of all your facets.