Better Tomorrow

I am a nerd and my clients seem to enjoy knowing that I reference nuggets from our session in my videos online. I work with a ton of wonderful folks that don’t know how wonderful they are but all they want is to be loved and be seen but are often so beat down by life that they are guarded and don’t want to show themselves to others

The thing is if they want to stay hidden from the world they picked the wrong therapist. I genuinely care for my clients and I think they are all too cool to only share their wonderful selves with me. So we work together to really date themselves and how to have healthy relationships so they can learn who they can trust and how to trust. In hopes that they can step out into the world and find people safe enough for them to be their authentic selves with.

"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm." - Unknown
People avoid conflict because they do not want to lose the other person in the disagreement or they have learned to avoid negative emotions all together. The part people miss is that by avoiding conflict in relationships we also rob ourselves from the opportunity of digging deeper into our relationship and connecting further with others.

Healthy conflict is important to building relationships and getting to know one another. Is there a risk that when we call someone out on something that they will become upset? Yes. Is it possible that the conflict could lead to that person not being in your life? Yes.

Storms like in life cannot be avoided but we alone can decide how we deal with them. We can resolve the conflict by getting things off our chest or we can continue to live in the overthinking, rumination, and worry. It is not our responsibility to regulate the emotions of others nor are we able to, but we can assess whether this relationship is healthy for us. If the people around us cannot make the space for safe communication and resolution it is then important to decide whether we need a greater intervention or if the relationship serves us.

The thing I have learned over the years is that our brains will take the doctrine presented to us through our years and will store it as if it should be the parameters of how we live our lives not allowing us to stray from their even if it feels like an itchy sweater.

Our desire to fit in and be accepted overshadows our self identity and genuine living. We begin what is called cognitive dissonance. We began the mental battle in our heads that can often lead to anxiety and depression.
Sometimes what we have to do is take off that sweater and find one that feels right. Find those people who are safe and wont judge you, who allow you the freedom to explore your own identity without the fear of rejection and begin taking steps to a fulfilling life.

So today I encourage you to take some steps to release yourself from that self made cage and do things that you would judge yourself for. Do the things that you enjoy or think you would. The choices that many of my clients feel they have to be intoxicated to do. You can do it without liquid courage but you have to free yourself from judgement.

I find that people understand what coping
mechanisms but they don't always know how to use them. When they are actually in the storm they are in a panic and do not know how to regulate that overwhelming feeling that they are drowning or treading water.

This is when it is important to remember that anxiety is about a perceived fear and that we need to stay in the present. Thinking about the future and catasrophizing makes it worse. So do activities that get you out of your own head and help you regulate your breathing.

And if you need more information on this feel free to schedule a free initial consult using the link in bio.