R3llie

💕

I love the way you make me laugh -even when I don’t particularly want to. I love the way you capture the hearts, minds, and souls of every person you meet. & I love your adventurous spirit -please don’t ever lose that.

I didn’t plan to make our wedding my personal autism coming-out party, but it’s hard to talk about our relationship without naming the elephant in the room.

Being an undiagnosed autistic meant that we navigated the treacherous waters of frequent misunderstanding & disconnection behind closed doors. It meant that many of our milestones (ones that were supposed to be filled with joy & laughter) were often confusing, or even painful.

With that being said -I want to thank you for a few things.

Thank you for not letting me “slip through the cracks” -not letting me elope, run away, break up with you every time I had a meltdown.

Thank you for being patient with me; even when I got overwhelmed by your (very sweet) surprise proposal at the Thousand Acre Dog Park.

Thank you for sticking with me, not just through the good, but especially through the hard.

Thank you for not giving up on me -on us.

I hope this new chapter is a fresh start. One where we both get the support we need to create new milestones -ones filled with joy & laughter. We both deserve that.

I love you, I trust you, and I’m in this for the long haul.

Till death ☠️

❣️R3llie

📸

🎵

🚜

Today’s another couch 🛋️ day.

Haven’t been super active on here lately cause I’ve been trying to figure out what I can and cannot do.

Don’t think I can run 🏃‍♀️ any more for workouts because each time that I run now I end up with a flare 🔥.

I’m not an outdoor biker at all, but I will have to try getting a used indoor cycle bike 🚴 to get the cardio in ~because I really do need it.

Should have probably stopped running a long time ago but my Autistic brain has a REALLY hard time letting go.

This will be my third attempt to quit running.

It’s been a while since I’ve had meltdown after meltdown 3-4 times in a row (the last few days).

It’s probably because of this heat wave 🥵 here in Portland, but also because I’ve been pushing too hard.

Nothing like a few days of melting down to remind you that yes, you are indeed ~Autistic!

(Trying not to get down on myself because I’m still learning)

& Even though I resent this ❤️‍🩹 recovery day; It’s in times like these I also find myself feeling grateful to know about my brain, because before it was so much worse…

Not knowing.

& Even though it’s still hard, now at least I have the right words to describe my experience.

🫶 Being Autistic ♾️ means that most of the time I have a hard time seeing the big picture and today is no exception.

= I totally forgot that it’s only been 5 years since my diagnosis 🤯.

When thinking back to my first moments of identification, realizing myself as Autistic was as easy for me as a bird realizing they can fly, or a stone realizing they can be still.

But the truth of the matter is that being “out and proud” in real life has been waaayyyy harder. + There are still days when I wish I could do more than I can & have trouble accepting my own limitations.

But the good news 🗞️ is : I’m learning more and more that being “out” can be safe around the right people & playing to my strengths (working within those limitations) is how I can finally soar 🦋🦋🦋