Harvey D. Cottrell

Many people enter dating hoping to be chosen.

Many people stay in relationships hoping not to be abandoned.

Few people ask whether they are abandoning themselves.

My newest Inner Room reflection explores congruence, fragmentation, and why the deepest forms of love may begin when we stop performing and simply allow ourselves to be known.

Dating in the Wild: Can you remain in a relationship with yourself while loving another? Harvey Cottrell, LCSW, Author of "The Inner Room."

**Dating in the Wild 🌿**

Why does dating begin to feel less like connection…
and more like strategy?

Swipe left.
Swipe right.
Keep a few in the queue just in case.

And somewhere in all of that…
we start losing the very thing we’re looking for.

What if dating isn’t meant to feel like a game to win?

What if it’s more like the wild?

Unscripted.
Uncurated.
Alive.

In the wild, nothing performs to be chosen.

The willow bends—but stays rooted.
The daylily blooms—without asking permission.
The dandelion returns—again and again, still offering something.

Maybe healthy dating looks more like this:

🌱 Staying grounded in who you are—even when something excites you
🌼 Letting yourself be seen—without turning into someone else to be liked
🌾 Taking a chance—without needing certainty first

Not everyone will be a match.

But everyone you sit across from
is a human being with a story, a longing, a life unfolding.

And there can be something sacred in that.

Even if it’s just one conversation.
Even if it doesn’t continue.

So maybe the question shifts:

Not *“How do I win this?”*
But *“Can I be present enough to see what’s real here?”*

You’re not trying to be chosen.

You’re learning how to meet another human being
without losing yourself.

And that changes everything.




.

— Harvey Cottrell LCSW

Dating in the Wild: A Mindful Return Harvey Cottrell, LCSW Author of The Inner Room