Josh Rojas Foundation

Yes. For me, the days leading up to a special day/milestone are often worse than the actual sad special day itself. Feelings of dread and anxiety just add to the build up.

Then, in the days following, I am emotionally exhausted from all of the build up.

Hugs to all of you! ❤️💔

THE DAY AFTER…
When the Day is Over, But the Grief Remains

The day after Father’s Day.

The day after Mother’s Day.

The day after a child’s birthday.

The day after an angelversary.

The day after a holiday that once brought excitement, anticipation, and celebration.

Now, for many bereaved parents, these dates can become melancholy days… days we simply try to get through.

The world often sees the holiday itself, but what they don’t see are the days leading up to and after.

Sometimes those days are actually harder than the day itself.

The anticipation.

The dread.

The anxiety.

The mental preparation.

The memories.

The pressure of trying to decide whether to celebrate, avoid, participate, or retreat.

Then the day arrives.

And then…

The day after comes.

The day after can look different for everyone.

For some, it may bring relief.

“We made it through.”

For others, it can feel deflating, as if all the energy it took to survive the day has suddenly disappeared.

For some, it may bring a flood of tears.

For others, numbness.

And for some, it may simply bring exhaustion.

I remember in the beginning that these days often kept me in bed for days afterward.

There were days I stayed home in my pajamas.

Days I didn’t want to answer the phone.

Days I didn’t want to make decisions.

Days I simply sat holding my Bible.

Days I listened to calming music or worship music.

Days when little productivity was accomplished.

And over time, I learned something important:

Rest is not laziness. Rest is self-care.

Bereaved parents expend enormous emotional energy navigating these milestone days.

Our hearts are carrying both love and loss at the same time.

That is hard work.

Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is to give ourselves permission to rest without guilt.

To follow our hearts.

Listen to our bodies.

To turn off the expectations.

To put away the to-do list.

To say no.

To be quiet.

To cry.

To remember.

To simply be.

Because healthy healing does not mean pushing through.

Healthy healing means listening to ourselves.

Unfortunately, most Bereaved parents don’t have this time to process. The day after means putting emotions into a tidy little bag and going out to face the world.

They have jobs.

They have children to take to school.

The world may expect us to bounce back the next day.

But grief does not operate on a calendar.

And there is no timetable for love.

I want every bereaved parent reading this to know something:

Whatever your reaction is, it is normal.

If you felt relief… that’s normal.

If you felt exhausted… that’s normal.

If you felt numb… that’s normal.

If you stayed in bed… that’s normal.

If you cried all day… that’s normal.

If you smiled and then cried later… that’s normal.

If you did absolutely nothing… that’s normal.

Your heart is teaching you what it needs.

Listen to it.

Follow it.

Because learning to carry love and loss together means learning to trust ourselves again.

Perhaps the greatest act of self-compassion we can offer ourselves is this:

To stop judging our grief and start honoring it.

Today, if all you can do is rest, then rest.

If all you can do is breathe, then breathe.

If all you can do is hold your Bible, then hold your Bible.

If all you can do is sit quietly and remember your child, then that is enough.

One day at a time.

One holiday at a time.

One breath at a time.

And one day after at a time.

Give yourself permission to follow your heart. That is not weakness. That is healthy healing.

Dr. Cali Anderson
Bereaved Mother
Bereaved Parent Advocate
Grief Educator
Founder, Grief Bridge 💜

❤️💔

HE GOES TO WORK WITH A BROKEN HEART
Education & Validation

One of the hardest things many bereaved fathers have to do after the death of a child is return to work.

You see life doesn’t stop after the death of a precious child.

The mortgage still has to be paid.

The lights still have to stay on.

The family still depends on him.

So he gets up.

He gets dressed.

He grabs his keys.

And he goes to work carrying a burden few people can see.

His body may be at work…

But his mind and heart are somewhere else.

His thoughts may drift to memories of his child.

He may wonder what his child would be doing today.

He may replay moments he wishes he could relive one more time.

He may stare at a computer screen and realize he has no idea what he just read.

He may sit through meetings that seem like eternity while trying to simply make it through the next hour.

He may smile at coworkers while carrying immense sadness inside.

He may even feel guilty for smiling.

And then he may feel guilty for not being productive.

Because grief is exhausting.

The mind is tired.
The body is tired.
The heart is tired.
Yet he keeps showing up.

Not because he is unaffected.

But because his family still depends on him.

There is a tremendous pressure many fathers place upon themselves to keep life moving forward, even when their own world has come to a complete stop. And that can be incredibly lonely.

What many people don’t realize is that he isn’t just going to work…

He is learning how to survive while carrying one of life’s heaviest burdens.

He is trying to be an employee while being a grieving father.

He is trying to be a provider while carrying heartbreak.

He is trying to be present for his family while his own heart is shattered.

He is carrying responsibilities on his shoulders and heartbreak in his heart.

So if you know a bereaved father, remember this:

Don’t mistake his perseverance for the absence of pain.

Don’t mistake his productivity for healing.

And don’t mistake his strength for a heart that is no longer broken.

Just because he keeps going…
Doesn’t mean he isn’t hurting.

❤️
Dr. Cali
Bereaved Mother
Bereaved Parents Advocate
Grief Educator
Founder, Grief Bridge