The Reiki Box

It's a difficult thing to be a single mother. It's entirely another difficult thing to be this and faced with oppositional defiance from the man who calls himself a father. Oh, did i just say that out loud? Yes, I did, and no I'm not sorry. What I didn't say was "get your fat ass in the car and get out of here". This is nothing but yet it's everything. It is the reality of what is worse than nothing. Too many women (and men) deal with this opposition to cooperation (forget just basic decency) on a day in, day out basis. It's exhausting. It's disheartening. It's soul destroying. You're not mothers and fathers if you can be so rude and disrespectful to the other parent in the room who is trying their damndest to do their best. You're a low life scum. Your child heard you tell their mother to get her fat ass in the car. And you don't even care. Your eyes are black and lifeless. Your speech angry and slurred. I hope you feel powerful. I hope you know that even though I don't care. Your words still hurt me everytime.

In the season of covid, now more than ever it would be a dream to have a real co parent. Someone who cares. Someone who sees that their part in everything makes a difference - for better and for worse.. What I get is nothing. No cooperation. No willingness. Nothing. But what did I expect. I was never respected at the table to begin with and wasn't viewed as having "the intelligent foundation to be worthy of a conversation about anything important". I am guilty too. I should have left a long time ago when I realized respect was not on the menu.

But, I am Thankful. Thankful to have a few positive influences here to help me raise my kids. We may be few. But we are mighty and The children know the difference.

This may be TMI but the world seems to be speaking out about injustice. So I am too. It never had to be this way. I am going to brush it off tonight, put on a smile and make the best of this time with my kids. Because they deserve a happy mom and it's up to me to let this s**t go.

I've said many apologies for my part in the failure. The narcissist however is proud to be sorry for nothing. Ok. You win. You always win. But are never happy. Empathy, compassion and understanding dont exist in your cold black self absorbed heart.

I must be pretty darn close