Kamille Bauer

Welp.... Starting the year off in a big way.

I was thinking the other day that I'm not enduring what I carry on my shoulders with enough faith.

I let anger, frustration, regret, and worry make me lose my hope and cloud Gods light.

I have felt down lately....

Then I fell down.....

Literally...

Fell down the stairs on Sunday afternoon.😳🙄

Creating a displaced break in my right foot (yep the 🚘driving foot😔) and needing surgery yesterday and screws to repair.

No weight bearing for at least 4 weeks.😢

Why me?!

SERIOUSLY?

I have no idea.

I have learned through - nearly 15 years of extreme heartache, that's a question that I don't like to ask.

It's a question that invites me down the road that ALWAYS leads to darkness.

And when I'm in darkness the only thing that helps me get out is the light.

I've learned God is The Light

Best friends are the light

My daughter living back at home is the light

The Temple is FULL of light ⭐️

Food can be light🤤

My husband carrying me up and down the stairs each day now.... Is light.

My 80 year old daddy that speaks peace to my soul showed up yesterday to give me a blessing ....as I squeezed his hand after and sobbed at how lucky I am for him being there but yet how embarrassed I was for him to see me depressed - his light already knew he was surprisingly accompanying Todd and I to the hospital.

I will forever treasure him and that experience.

After depression

Anxiety

12 of Clint Bauer's surgeries

2 experimental chemos

Countless doctor's appointments

His death

A death of apart of me

Divorce

Blending a family

Parenthood 😳🥴🙈😫as a widow at times has been harder than anything imaginable - igniting a grief fire that's sometimes too hard to contain.

Then through all of my darkness there's glimpses of light.

IF

I choose to see

That light has settled my soul and swelled until the darkness of my fears have turned into a twilight of hope more times than I can count.

And yet.... Sometimes I can't see past the thick darkness and despair.

🤓Through my Hard Knock Life Doctorate Degree I have learned that Jesus Christ is The Light.

We ALL were born with a portion of God's light and when we do good to others we have the beautiful opportunity to share that light and help bring hope to people that so desperately need it.

God's light is real!

Its not owned by race, religion, or belief.

It is in all of us and available to all of us!

As we seek for it I know we will find it.

I know that.

But yet.... I still don't always see past the mists of my darkness.

🙏🏼I pray almost daily to have the eyes to see God's light and the ears to hear Him.

And as my life has temporarily been drastically changed I will be thinking of all of you going through the darkness too and praying God sends you someone's light⭐️

Love you my friends

Message me if you need anything from me or my couch 😎

P.s I've got a temporary handicap parking pass so I'm a friend with benefits😉