Dustin Sims

It’s my birthday today. I woke up and was reminded by Dana and the kids that I turned 35. I genuinely thought I was turning 32 again. This is the third year in a row. Not like women lying about their age either. I legitimately think my brain stopped processing time around the first stimulus check. To be fair I never thought I’d make it this far. Wish I had something prepared. Not like a speech… but life plans. Retirement. Health insurance. A f**kin vegetable maybe. Thought by 35 I’d at least own a grill and know how taxes work. But nah. Still out here rawdogging the f**k outta adulthood like some group project I forgot we had.

Anyway all I want for my birthday (nobody asked) is for you degenerate mother f**kers to join my group chat. I’m not gonna spam you or send wiener pics. Unless the economy gets worse.

It’s mostly so I can see where everybody’s from and know where I should book shows.

Text “DUSTY” to (201) 940-1646

Worst case scenario you get occasional show updates, discounted merch, free tickets sometimes, and unhinged late night thoughts that make you feel better about your own life.

Looking for a venue in Pittsburgh for comedy show July 10th. Bar, VFW, bowling alley or strip club idgaf. If you own it or produce shows at it DM me.