SCAD Secrets

The Despot and the Piggy-Bank
A Memoir by Paula “Our Dear Leader” Walrus

In 1977, "... the world was ready for something new," writes the 73 year-old Paula Walrus, Savannah College of Art and Design President and Co-founder.

“All around us, dreamers were dreaming up new ideas: My extended family had just covered-up a serious pe******ia scandal, and my clog dancing days were long over. I was pushing forty when I discovered the benefits of government-backed student loans.”

What happened next would change the face of education. By joining Stalinist principles of management, obscene tuition costs, with the facade of higher learning—Paula managed to create for herself and her family a lucrative piggy-bank.

In The Despot and the Piggy-Bank, we journey with Walrus and her family to the crime-ridden coastal town of Savannah, where they set about creating the appearance of a university.

This tiny college would be radically different, buzzing with grossly under-qualified administrators, and abused faculty— Walrus forever altered what education should be.

Nearly forty years later, SCAD is one of the most tastefully decorated, over-hyped, and expensive art and design universities in the world, with dwindling campuses in Georgia, a Chinese ghetto, a farm in France, and online.

The Despot and the Piggy-Bank tells the story of how it all happened—from the special ‘woman’ at the center of it all.

About the author
Ghost writer to the ’C’ and ‘D’ celebrity set—Ralph Mittlebottom of the NYT, spent three years sculpting Ms. Walrus’s crayon-infused chicken scratch of random nouns and occasional verbs into the semblance of the book you now hold in your hands.

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

http://www.scadsecrets.com/2016/03/despot-piggy-bank-memoir/

SCAD(ly) Madison

BREAKING NEWS: Savannah.
Dear Leader, and President of the Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD) took to the airwaves this morning to clarify why an estimated $18,742.87 of student tuition funds were used to pay for multiple Ashley Madison (Life is short, have an affair!) accounts.

It turns out that the Ashley Madison accounts tied to SCAD administrators were used for “academic research.”

The top administrators opened Ashley Madison accounts to test the effectiveness of the Ashley Madison ‘girl-bots,’ robotic users used to lure men into paying for membership to the Ashley Madison website.

“SCAD has been experimenting with the idea of replacing current faculty with ‘Faculty-Bots’ for many years now,” said Molly Mindful, Director of University Expansion, “All the tuition funds spent on Ashley Madison by the university administrators was used to explore the feasibility of such a scheme.”

The SCAD office of Public Appearance and Prettiness also issued a statement assuring the SCAD community that the Ashley Madison accounts are not related to the ongoing lawsuit involving inappropriate liaisons between SCAD administrates and members of the SCAD student body.

http://www.scadsecrets.com/2015/09/scadly-madison/

SCAD Covering Up Sexual Assaults on Campus?
Fearing another steep decline in freshmen admissions, SCAD’s matriarch and beloved ‘Dear Leader,’ has formed a workgroup to stem the rise of sexual assaults in Savannah.

Led by Dear Leader’s attorney, Regis Smallprint (North Georgia’s ‘Think’n Man’s Lawyer’) the SCAD workgroup revealed a comprehensive sexual assault prevention initiative titled: C.R.U.D. (College R**e Under-Reporting Directive) to the sleepy, disheartened Faculty.

“The committee’s focused on this issue like a wet fart on silk panties,” said Smallprint “we have secretly implemented it as I speak.”

The solution that Mr. Smallprint refers to is now the subject of a lawsuit brought by whistle-blower, Bobby Zarem, founder of the Savannah Film Festival. Mr. Zarem is suing SCAD for what he claims was his improper dismissal for reporting the sexual assault of four women on SCAD’s campus.

“Four women had come to me and said they were sexually assaulted [on campus]… I went to warn [SCAD president] Paula Wallace. She told me she was going to launch an investigation. Instead, she launched a coverup.” Said Zarem in an interview with Page Six.

http://pagesix.com/2014/11/14/bobby-zarem-suing-savannah-film-festival-after-firing/

“Mr. Zarem is not correct” squeaked Ms. Georgette Baxter, SCAD’s Associate Brand Manager and Student Liaison, “Sexual assault is ugly… SCAD is pretty, it’s better if we just remove everyone involved… p**f pretty!”

It was not clear at publication how many, if any, students who reported sexual assaults have been ’pushed out’ of SCAD rather than having their claims investigated.

In preparation of student protests, SCAD’s Dear Leader has declared that all students are to leave their mattresses in the dorm rooms.

Any student carrying a mattress around with him/her while on SCAD property will be immediately transferred to the Art Institute of Charleston.

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged the SCAD community to prevent forest fires stating “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, A university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

http://www.scadsecrets.com/2015/01/scad-covers-sexual-assaults-campus/

Bobby Zarem suing Savannah Film Festival after firing The P.R. legend was fired for blowing the whistle on a sexual predator, he will claim in a lawsuit.

Savannah Makes SCAD President's Wig Style Mandatory

It is now mandatory for faculty in Savannah to get the same haircut as the benevolent dictator and matronly president of Savannah College of Art and Design, Dear Leader.

Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD), the ‘secretive university’ impoverished faculty are sure to be flocking to the barbers Wednesday, as the SCAD-sanctioned guidelines were reportedly rolled out university-wide.

Savannah College of Art and Design clearly has its priorities right, dismissing accusations of crimes against faculty and monitored faculty free speech to instead focus on the introduction of the compulsory boxy, mushroom-esque hair do.

Previously, among SCAD’s many university-inflicted horrors, faculty were only allowed to choose from 18 styles for women and 10 for men.

SCAD’s university TV launched a campaign against long hair and jeans, called "Let us trim our hair and shed our jeans in accordance with the SCAD lifestyle" – see SCAD institutional dystopian nightmare video below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4c92fYmL0ro

Unsurprisingly, many have reservations about being indignantly forced into having a SCAD Universty controlled bouffant hairstyle.

"Our Leader's wig is very particular, if you will," one source told Radio Free Savannah.

"It doesn't always go with everyone since everyone has different face and head shapes."

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged the SCAD community to purchase an official SCAD wig stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

http://www.scadsecrets.com/2014/03/savannah-scad-presidents-wig-style-mandatory/

Savannah Makes SCAD President’s Wig Style Mandatory It is now mandatory for faculty in Savannah to get the same haircut as the benevolent dictator and matronly president of Savannah College of Art and Design, Dear Leader.

Diane von Furstenberg “I Vaguely Remember the SCAD.”
Diane von Furstenberg receives an award from "that porch women."