The AlloVillage

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The holiday season can be difficult for folks who never had loving families.

As a society we talk a lot about how everyone is deserving of love and care but we rarely provide that beyond our own immediate circle. Essentially it's a lot of talk, another false value of a failing society.

And like many traumas it's hard to fully process your privilege if you've never belonged to a toxic family. Among many other things we lose our support system, our first experience of unconditional love, help with child care and monetary support.

Being without a supportive family often results in compounded trauma. Often because it's considered normal to have one. Such as a boss who doesn't understand you really can't work late or an eviction that results in homelessness.

When you are single the pain of this loss can be further compounded. One can feel like they'll never have a loving family. That they'll always be alone.

Not having a family can thus drive people to assume they are unlovable or wrong. But the truth is many of us were just born to people in trauma, selfish adults, or just really cruel people. And leaving that behind was the best choice we could make to stay safe or sane. I hope those of us who struggle with this remember that it isn't a personal flaw but a rather significant disadvantage.

And I hope those who do come from loving families learn to open their doors and their hearts... Open them a lot further than has been so far. That folks learn to adopt people into their family and not just perfect people either.

I was born to an unsafe family and now I'm living in a van alone, doing my best to raise a kid with love as the ultimate super power. It's not enough but it's more than I had. Or have.

For those of us alone on the holidays.. you may be alone but you're in good company. We can do this❣️

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