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Q: My wife died unexpectedly a few months ago. As the holidays approach, friends and family are kindly inviting me to parties and encouraging me to visit, but I’m not sure how much I’ll feel like celebrating this year. How can I face what’s supposed to be such a happy time when I’m still dealing with my grief?

A: The holidays are a tough time to grieve; knowing they will be difficult may help us understand and accept our reactions and tap into the things we can do to help ourselves cope. A useful guide can be the “Three Cs of Coping with Grief during the Holidays”: Choose. During the holidays it is easy to get involved in activities that increase our pain, but we can decide what activities we wish to participate in and who we want to be with. Finding ways to recognize and acknowledge the person who has died, such as lighting a candle or giving a holiday toast, can bring a positive focus to our grief. Communicate. It is important that we discuss our choices with others, especially those who are affected by them, as their ways of dealing with grief may be different. Compromise. When we communicate, we may find that our feelings and needs, the very ways that we cope, will differ, and we will need to find space for compromise. Nothing changes the fact that the holidays can be especially difficult while grieving. But as we choose our actions, communicate our choices with others, and find suitable compromises, we may find that they are bearable. And that gives us renewed strength and hope.