Conscious Shala

We've all been hurt. Puberty, parents, relationships, work...nobody makes it out alive. Nobody!

In the hard times, we learn to use all sorts of methods to protect ourselves.

Anger is my go-to method of protection. Not the physical kind but rather laser-like words designed to nick and mame my perceived predators.

"Hey a5***le, it's time for you to metaphorically take a giant step back." 🤬

This is all learned conditioning from the challenging parts of my life. Parts where control was taken from me.

Because I wasn't able to physically overtake my foes, words became my weapons. Close behind are achievement, wits, intellect and perfectionism.

Today, my daily practice includes spending time with my defensive parts. Before I grab my phone or get out of bed in the morning I place a hand on my heart and one on my chest and talk to that young part to remind him there's nothing here to hurt me anymore.

On the good days he agrees and we go about our day with relative ease. Sometimes he forgets and I say or write something I shouldn't.

It's been a long process to get to this point and I've still got a long way to go but I wouldn't change a single step.

It's taken a lot of work to soften the hard candy shell I've used for so long to protect my heart. Today, I remind myself it's ok to relax. That's what my ribs are for.

As Ram Dass frequently reminds me, "All suffering is grace." In more secular terms, every challenging experience is an opportunity to learn.

If you think you're ready to put your shield down for a while, shoot me a message. You'll smile more. You'll work less yet achieve more. And you'll experience more peace, joy, and freedom in your life.

As Stephen Still reminds us, "Love the one you're with."

One of my favorite coaching stories comes from the first night of a retreat in Nicaragua. A group of us were sitting on the beach around the campfire and I asked, "How much is enough?"

Some had built spreadsheets to figure this out. Some started doing math in their head. Some had no idea.

But one person said, "I'll be happy when I own a Lamborghini and a mansion."

This was the version of external freedom they thought would make them feel "enough."

Fast forward two years and after a year of coaching and this same client reached out and said, "My dream Lamborghini is for sale right down the street from my house. I could buy it if I wanted to but I don't know if I'm supposed to."

After a short somatic meditation, it became clear to both of us that their happiness was no longer tied to owning the car. They could have it or not and it wouldn't dramatically change how they felt about themselves.

This is the very definition of internal freedom.

The minute they no longer needed the car, they could have it.

The same goes for everything in our lives. If we can drop our desire for money and power, it's there for the receiving.

But the minute I want it, I'm trapped. Now I'm stuck not having something I want and that causes me to suffer.

If I do my work from the outside-in, I'll always have hungry ghosts waiting for their next meal.

The beautiful thing about doing work from the inside-out is I never have to "give up" anything.

When I change from the inside out, what I once needed for safety or enjoyment simply falls away. I no longer need those things to feel ok.

And once I no longer need them, I can have them all.

Desire creates the Universe I live in. When I can let go of my desire, I can have everything I never wanted.