The Allen Brand

Well, today marks 11 years as a double amputee. After deciding to stumble the streets all night in search of drugs and alcohol in Delray Beach FL, I ended up waking up in a strangers home. I was given money for an uber and immediately bought booze with it. It was July 5th, 2015.

—I roamed the streets looking for homeless folks or any tourists kind enough to indulge my stories and lure. I eventually found someone who had some more alcohol and shared with me.

Feeling bitterly depressed that I had left a life behind me in NY, that my drinking caused so many issues yet I knew I wouldn’t stop and that I had hurt so many while knowing it was wrong, that I always fell so far short of the man I wanted to be and there was no end to that path in sight.. I went to a few bars downtown alone and attempted to sweet talk or convince anyone and everyone I could to buy me some drinks. Rather unsuccessful and not as drunk as I wanted to be I stumbled from the bar after being asked to leave for trying to hustle drinks.

I was walking along the train tracks contemplating my life and wondering how I’d fallen this far down. How could I ever have a good life? Happiness? Familiarity? Success?

I had chosen to live homeless, to hitchhike and explore thinking it would be freeing or bring me something better, change me. But it didn’t. I felt hollow, I felt guilty and ashamed and I couldn’t drink it away either.

I thought of my father and my mother and how I was raised as well as I could be. I thought of how I was taught values and good life lessons. I had great examples. I knew the right way and couldn’t ever get there. It was so baffling. I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t want to keep going either really.

As I walked on, a train was approaching alongside me. It lit up my busted shoes and the hair on my skinny legs.

The way you pass by a brick wall and feel the texture of it, I had a crazy idea to try and do that with the train or even the breeze of the momentum as it whipped by me. I got too close and was pulled underneath and essentially torn apart.

Miraculously, a gentleman saved my life and acted in seconds to do so. Guardian angels or a guardian army I’d say. Nevertheless, it was a miracle. I am not a miracle but whatever made that occur and kept me here is.

A two week stint in the hospital and a two week stint in a physical rehab and I was home in a wheelchair. I was walking in a matter of months with prosthetics.

I share all this because my life is beyond amazing today. I don’t seek pity either. I’m able to live the life I always wanted to live and that was the beginning of the end for that part of me. It was really a rebirth of sorts. I’m able to find purpose, live freely and love those around me. I haven’t drank in many years and I’ve had a lot of help.

My music is an outlet and a window into my soul and my experiences, traumas, memories and love. I play local bars and I write music and record it. It’s not my full time gig and that’s okay. I can appreciate what I have and I recognize it’s all on borrowed time.

It’s a beautiful thing to share music and moments created by music, with anyone and everyone I can.

Thank you all.

Had a blast at Shifty’s! We’ll be back soon. As in August 22nd.