Raised To Rise

There absolutely is a wrong way to parent and it is time to call it out. Buckle up for this one...

***Disclaimer: this post is meant for the parent currently ready for more truth than grace. Parenting is hard enough and if you are currently struggling, the last thing you need to hear is our opinion on this topic. Continue reading at your own discretion.***

I want to start off by saying:
Parenting is only hard for good parents.

Now, let’s dive in.

We have become so accustomed to using phrases like, "I did the best I could." or "Our family just does things differently." We hear those phrases and instantly are supposed to overlook the blatant disregard towards the growth of a child.

I would like to point out that there ARE families who do things differently and there ARE parents who did and are doing the absolute best they can with limited resources.

BUT,

We, as parents who fall into those categories, should be angry. We should be furious! There are parents out there blatantly and selfishly neglecting their children and using those phrases as a crutch or back brace in place of where their parenting backbone is supposed to be.

It's time to step up and properly develop and nurture your children!

Parenting is not a hobby.

Just because you own a guitar does not make you a guitar player. In the same way, because you have a child does not make you a parent. You have to grow in your ability and skill to truly become a parent like you would to play a guitar.

We would all die for our children, right? Of course. But, will you live for them? Will you grow for them? Will you invest your undistracted time into them? Will you slow down for them? Will you give up your friends for them? (Touchy subject, but maintaining the same quality social life, while diving deep into parenthood, isn't usually possible.)

I even have to say in that last sentence "isn't usually possible" because there may be 1 person out there that has been able to do it. So now, a majority of the people maintaining their social lives while parenting, and completely neglecting their child's needs, will use that minority of maybe 1 or 2 people and justify it as "completely acceptable" for themselves.

They justify their actions while their child is home begging for the affection and attention of their parent(s).

Now, before the angry parents start to write in the comments claiming that I am judging someone else's circumstances that I know nothing about...
I am not talking about the extreme cases of the parents struggling with overwhelming depression or the single parent fighting to keep their lights on and food on the table. These are the parents I am sticking up for! The ones who actually ARE doing the absolute best that they can.

These parents should be furious. They are being mocked by other parents who actually have the opportunity to do better at their fingertips, but they are just choosing not to.

I am talking about the parents who are leveraging the misfortune of others to justify and excuse their lack of self sacrifice it takes to fully invest in what it takes to be an extraordinary parent.

Some parents are truly going through real and valid struggles and doing the best they can. While others have the opportunity to do better, choose not to, then claim that they are doing the bEsT tHeY cAn.

Step up!

As I pursued my study in Child Psychology and parenting, I came to realize that when there are issues within the family, it is never at the fault of the child. NEVER. The child is throwing tantrums and won't listen? The parent has failed to build a quality relationship of mutual respect. Child won't stop playing video games? The parent has failed to give the child undistracted attention. Child won't put their cell phone down and be present? Guess who they are mirroring.

I am not saying any of this to throw stones. I am a parent of 3 and far from perfect. But, are we all at least trying to better ourselves? We don't want people to judge us, but what if this criticism doesn't have to be so condemning?

What if it can be a positive eye opener; a wake up call. We don't have to get so defensive and could maybe even agree on some things:

"You know what, I should probably be on my phone less around the kids."
"Maybe I should try managing my emotions better so that I can be a better image my kids could mirror?"
"When was the last time I actually listened to my children undistracted."
"What is causing me to need so much time away from my kids? What am I lacking internally?"

We have placed such a negative purpose to Mom Guilt, but what if we listened to it just a little bit and used it as a gauge of knowing when we truly can be doing better for our children. You have to keep moving forward with your head held high and give it your all!

Yes, there are times when Mom Guilt must be ignored and comparison is the thief of joy, but what if it's also our inner voice trying to persuade us to be better parents and individuals. It's guiding us in making better choices for our kids!

We are not perfect. I am FAR from it. But, we can not go through parenthood without giving it the ABSOLUTE best that we possibly can and stop justifying bad choices with grace.