She.Writes.Chaos

Fifty Shades of Trauma

Eleven years ago, I enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey. There. I said it. Not only did I read the books, I watched the movies. I enjoyed them for what they were: a fantasy. A hot story that made me tingle. Even then, I knew it got a lot wrong about B**M. I was already involved in kink when Fifty Shades…...

Fifty Shades of Trauma Eleven years ago, I enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey. There. I said it. Not only did I read the books, I watched the movies. I enjoyed them for what they were: a fantasy. A hot story that made me tingl…

Conflict without Catastrophe: Rupture and Repair in a Power Exchange Relationship

It is not the absence of conflict that denotes a maturing relationship. It is the way rupture is handled when it occurs. For a long time, I did not understand that. Conflict in my marriage felt like war. Not metaphorically. Not in the cute “we bicker sometimes” way people joke about long term relationships. I mean genuine emotional warfare. It felt like my ex-husband and I stood on opposite sides of a battlefield shooting at each other while simultaneously trying to navigate landmines buried by our past trauma....

Conflict without Catastrophe: Rupture and Repair in a Power Exchange Relationship It is not the absence of conflict that denotes a maturing relationship. It is the way rupture is handled when it occurs. For a long time, I did not understand that. Conflict in my marriage felt lik…

Bruises and Benedictions

Some scenes stay with us forever. Not always because they were the most extreme.Not because they were the most technically impressive.Not even because they were the most physically intense. Some scenes linger because they touched something so deep inside us that we left them changed. I think people outside of B**M often assume that the scenes we remember most clearly are the wildest or most painful ones....

Bruises and Benedictions Some scenes stay with us forever. Not always because they were the most extreme.Not because they were the most technically impressive.Not even because they were the most physically intense. Some sc…