Willow Tree Ranch

Royal Correspondence from Chandler the Peacock 🦚

It has become apparent that the dogs are, once again, in training.

Obedience. Protection. Much intensity. Questionable consistency.

After attending a sufficient number of these “workshops,” I have reached a conclusion:

They require supervision.

A spotter, if you will.

Someone with presence. Awareness. Standards.

Naturally, I have accepted the position.

You may notice me stepping in from time to time—offering guidance, issuing corrections, and ensuring that all participants remain aligned with expectations.

Are my interventions always requested?

No.

Are they always understood?

Also no.

Are they necessary?

Absolutely.

Excellence does not achieve itself.

You’re welcome.

— Chandler
Head of Training Oversight & Unsolicited Corrections 🦚👑

Royal Correspondence from Chandler the Peacock 🦚

A situation has developed.

One of the goslings hatched later than the others and, as a result, struggles to keep pace with the larger babies.

This is unfortunate.

What is even more unfortunate is that it has apparently decided that I am the solution.

Today I found myself being followed across the estate by a small yellow goose who seemed convinced that I was responsible for its continued success and well-being.

To be clear:

I am not its mother.

I am not a goose.

And babysitting is not listed anywhere in my official duties.

Yet every time I turned around…

There it was.

Following.

Peeping.

Existing directly behind me.

I suppose there are worse things than being trusted.

Still, I would appreciate it if the gosling would locate an actual goose at its earliest convenience.

— Chandler
Acting Assistant Deputy Gosling Es**rt 🦚👑

Royal Correspondence from Chandler the Peacock 🦚

An update on the kitten situation:

The tabby has departed for her new kingdom and is now known as “Juno,” which I will admit is a respectable improvement over the previous naming proposals.

The calico, however, remains.

And today she committed a breach of etiquette so bold that it must be formally documented.

During my dinner service, she walked directly up to my bowl… and began eating from it.

My bowl.

Without permission. Without hesitation. Without even the decency to appear nervous about it.

I observed this violation in stunned silence, attempting to process the sheer confidence contained within such a tiny creature.

The audacity was almost admirable.

Almost.

At this rate, she may become permanent staff.

— Chandler
Victim of Culinary Theft 🦚👑

Royal Correspondence from Chandler the Peacock 🦚

The tiny floof units continue to receive regular meals, constant supervision, and entirely unreasonable levels of accommodation.

And yet…

They eat as though civilization is collapsing.

Every meal is approached with urgency, determination, and the apparent belief that this may be their final opportunity to consume food for the next decade.

I am told this is the influence of their feral mother’s instincts—an inherited survival strategy despite the fact that these kittens have, quite literally, never missed a meal in their lives.

Remarkable.

The orange one, Julius, watches them with what I can only assume is recognition.

Honestly, it is the most focused I have ever seen any cats on this estate.

At one point, I issued a supervisory call from the background to remind everyone that dining should maintain at least some level of dignity.

My feedback was ignored.

— Chandler
Director of Feeding Operations & Portion Control 🦚👑

Royal Correspondence from Chandler the Peacock 🦚

It is, regrettably, that time of year again.

The goslings are hatching.

Tiny yellow descendants of chaos, arriving with surprising speed and absolutely no concern for long-term planning.

Now, The Keeper insists she did not intend to acquire more geese. However, I invite you to attempt removing eggs from a determined mother goose and report back on your experience… assuming you survive.

As such, several of these small honking liabilities will be made available to suitable ranch homes.

Please.

Take them.

I would also like to formally address an ongoing injustice within this establishment.

Apparently, The Keeper has declared that we will not be acquiring female peafowl because she “doesn’t need a party of peacocks.”

For the record:

I disagree.

Strongly.

A party of peacocks sounds magnificent.

Unfortunately, my opinions are being ignored by management.

— Chandler
Victim of Administrative Overreach 🦚👑