Beck Bennett - Gracious mumma

How stunning is this pattern 💕💕 I've started it today, its super quick and easy

My first heirloom blankets I'm doing a baby size for a friend, I hope you don't mind I've changed patterns Lindsay x and then a throw size for my mum

This one is called cottage lace by Daisy Farm Crafts it looks a bit lacy to me and I get to use my favourite soft yarn🥰

I'm really proud of how far I've come in a year with my crochet, I think I'm pretty talented at this craft 🤣 blowing my own horn 📯

ICU

THIS MAYBE CONFRONTING

I thought I'd share some of my thoughts, in this picture:
-I'm wearing a C-PAP mask its forcing warm wet into my lungs,
-I'm septic my blood is poisoned,
-I have a raging infection in my lungs, fluid in both my lungs
-they've pulled inflammed blood off my heart the day before
-my legs have swelled to twice their size and I have pumps on my legs to stop clots, I can't feel my right leg, I now can't feel my left leg very well and still wear stockings
-the liver is struggling
-I can't move on my own
-I'm struggling to breathe
-it HURTS to breathe or move
-I'm so confused
-I have a catheter to p*e, I'm barely weeing at this point
-I have a line in my arm reading my blood constantly

I'm absolutely terrified but feel safe at the same time, all I can do is sleep mostly, my mouth feels like sandpaper
The nurses are lovely so lovely, I dont know what day it is or the time most of the time, I understand most of what their saying and trust me that does not help

The effort it takes to breathe is huge, to wiggle my bum up the bed just wow there is a turning team and even with 3 people turning me, I still SCREAM in pain and I mean SCREAM, I dont like feeling this helpless
Apparently I'm in really good shape, I smell amazing, my nails are pretty and for someone so sick I crack a really good joke 🤦‍♀️

There is nothing more terrifying than ICU I swear you can FEEL how sick you are, you KNOW how sick you are and its scary, the machine noises, the looks on the staff faces, the quiet talks right in front of you, feeling absolutely helpless, vulnerable there aren't words to describe it and when you're oxygen comes off that fear f**k its outreaching I called it breathing dirty room air🤣

Theres no words to explains the feeling of lying in an ICU bed and the trauma it inflicts yes I'm so grateful I'm alive but now there's the aftermath, the constant thoughts of what's that chest pain, are my bloods ok, will I get a PE, please wake up tomorrow so Harriet doesnt find me, please wake up tomorrow there's so much to do yet, whats that pain do I call an ambulance, am I short of breathe, why did this happen, will it happen again, ok its rare but it happens, I just want to be well, f**k I hate this

This has changed me and my life in so many ways and this photo was right in the thick of it showing a very scared, vulnerable woman!